Day 1-attempt 4

I relapsed tonight at 7pm after thinking about food all day, but knowing I wouldn't be able to work once I started to eat badly. Made it to 7pm and then stopped at Bojangles to get sweets, ate them on the road, followed by Salsaritas to get salts. I have a 40 minute ride home and finished both in that car ride. Came home, made cake, ate the batter while it was cooking. Then I put together ice cream, cake, and cookies left over from yesterday. I may quit my food plan. I want to research binge eating disorder and see what type of treatment I can get. Even though, I was abstinent and 45 days! I lost 17 pounds and have already gained back 15 of them. I felt disgusting at work. I was sweating more than I usually do, wearing frumpy looking clothes, and avoiding everyone. I want to turn my cell phone off and isolate. Today I hate life and I don't want to get back on the eating well wagon. I'd say I don't know how to but I have done it before. I wish I never would have relapsed at day 45. Dangit!