The last resort

6-20
I realized, as in any addiction, that I cannot control it. I gave myself one more chance before I completed would give up: accept this fate that I was going to eat what I wanted and continue to gain weight or give FA a try. I knew back in September when I attended that meeting that I had not "hit my bottom", but this time I knew I  had. I have completely lost control of my ability to eat well, eat what I wanted, stop eating, etc. I believe I am addicted to sugar. I don't necessarily have this huge desire for salt on a daily basis, but when I have enough sugar I crave salts. I love cookie dough, pancakes, chocolate, candy, cinnamon rolls, and pretty much anything sweet. I am ready to get this under control. I am miserable, sad, disappointed, embarrassed and worried. I know my food addiction is affecting the people around me and soon I will lose everything. I have been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting before, and heard people say "I will die from this disease," but I completely agree that "I will die from food addiction." The past 10 years I have worried about my weight. I have never really been huge. I have always been about 10 to 25 pounds overweight, and I am 5'2 so it doesn't look the greatest on me. The next question is probably, why do you think you have a food issue if you are only a few pounds over weight. Well, I have watched what I ate the past 10 years back and forth  between, exercise, eat whatever I want, eat badly, eat well, exercise, back and forth. Let me make myself clear, I continuously tried to manage my weight by eating well and exercising and would drop the weight. But, then I would reward myself and eat whatever I wanted until I gained the weight back. Basically I have lost 20 pounds 4 times since I went to college 6 years ago. I can lose weight pretty fast and then gain it back a few months later. Then I get disappointed that I couldn't maintain, and go into "eat healthy mode" again. So I realized and told myself that FA worked for some and if I couldn't control it one last time, I would try this. So here is goes. I was in FA in September for 3 weeks so I had a pretty solid idea of what I was up against. I knew I needed a sponsor, and she would tell me what to eat. I knew it was three meals, and that I would be eating protein, veggies, fruits and grains. I remember some of the food tasted bad and the cravings were crazy. I am not going to base this experience on last because I will fail if I compare it to my failure last year. The goal is to stay "abstinent", I know what you are thinking, no sex, but no it is pertaining to sugar or flour. I am thinking this time is going to be tough. Let the adventures begin.