Day 8
Yesterday was such a hard day and I made it through. My boyfriend and I almost broke up because I decided to be mean to him because I was craving cookie dough. I called my FA friend and she helped me get through it. I really appreciate their help. Then when we semi broke up I didn't want to eat. I called my FA friend and said what do I do if I feel too sick to eat. She told me to get down as much as possible, which is exactly what I did.
So today was an easier day and not many cravings. I cooked a lot of stuff and have a new found liking for Butternut Squash, yummy. I bought a new scale too because my four dollar scale was getting burnt out. It was the kind that had the weighing cup connected to the scale, and I was not going to deal with that when I was weighing 10 things I day. I realized I have been in for 8 days, which is not an impulse buy of something I don't need, so I spent thirty bucks on a digital scale. I thought it was a good investment, plus it's Target, I can return it if it doesn't work out.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Day 6
Day 6
Holy Crap. I made it to day 6. Today I had a dilemma of when to eat my dinner. I ate lunch at 1pm while I was at work and knew I had a kickball game at 5:45 so was unsure if I should eat before so I had energy and would not be lightheaded in 90 degree weather or after the game so that I would be able to make it to my next meal. My sponsor told me to sit out and not play, but I was not going to do that. So I decided after the game was going to be the best bet but to prepare my food before dinner.
It all worked out. I had energy during the game and made it home in time for my dinner. I only can eat between five and seven at night. This program is very strict but it obviously works because I am on Day 6!
I asked my sponsor when I am weighing in and she said once a month. Oh my gosh, just one time a month. How am I going to stay motivated when I can't get on the scale? The scale has been my closest friend for several years, it told me when I could wear "sexy" clothes and when I needed to diet again. I only would wear tank tops out in public when I weighed a certain weight. I know I am obsessed with weight too. I am trying to get rid of this obsession.
Made my food for tomorrow, breakfast and lunch. I am so tired because I am used to running around all day eating on two, three, four thousand calories so this is a change.
Holy Crap. I made it to day 6. Today I had a dilemma of when to eat my dinner. I ate lunch at 1pm while I was at work and knew I had a kickball game at 5:45 so was unsure if I should eat before so I had energy and would not be lightheaded in 90 degree weather or after the game so that I would be able to make it to my next meal. My sponsor told me to sit out and not play, but I was not going to do that. So I decided after the game was going to be the best bet but to prepare my food before dinner.
It all worked out. I had energy during the game and made it home in time for my dinner. I only can eat between five and seven at night. This program is very strict but it obviously works because I am on Day 6!
I asked my sponsor when I am weighing in and she said once a month. Oh my gosh, just one time a month. How am I going to stay motivated when I can't get on the scale? The scale has been my closest friend for several years, it told me when I could wear "sexy" clothes and when I needed to diet again. I only would wear tank tops out in public when I weighed a certain weight. I know I am obsessed with weight too. I am trying to get rid of this obsession.
Made my food for tomorrow, breakfast and lunch. I am so tired because I am used to running around all day eating on two, three, four thousand calories so this is a change.
Day 3
Day 3
I have no idea how I made it this far. I past day one, and day two, that didn't happen last time. Maybe my "bottom" was low enough. I am so proud yet I am having a craving right now for cookie dough. I got a sponsor and she said to pray. I am praying to get rid of the obsession of not only food, but cookie dough. Go away thoughts about cookie dough!
I am surprised I didn't go through a big withdrawal of sugar. I heard I would be shaking and feeling sick but I do feel sick but find it is because I am shrinking my stomach to a normal person's eating habits.
I am going to try to get pass this craving. I am going to nap so maybe my next meal will come sooner. Salad, squash, and chicken.
The last resort
6-20
I realized, as in any addiction, that I cannot control it. I gave myself one more chance before I completed would give up: accept this fate that I was going to eat what I wanted and continue to gain weight or give FA a try. I knew back in September when I attended that meeting that I had not "hit my bottom", but this time I knew I had. I have completely lost control of my ability to eat well, eat what I wanted, stop eating, etc. I believe I am addicted to sugar. I don't necessarily have this huge desire for salt on a daily basis, but when I have enough sugar I crave salts. I love cookie dough, pancakes, chocolate, candy, cinnamon rolls, and pretty much anything sweet. I am ready to get this under control. I am miserable, sad, disappointed, embarrassed and worried. I know my food addiction is affecting the people around me and soon I will lose everything. I have been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting before, and heard people say "I will die from this disease," but I completely agree that "I will die from food addiction." The past 10 years I have worried about my weight. I have never really been huge. I have always been about 10 to 25 pounds overweight, and I am 5'2 so it doesn't look the greatest on me. The next question is probably, why do you think you have a food issue if you are only a few pounds over weight. Well, I have watched what I ate the past 10 years back and forth between, exercise, eat whatever I want, eat badly, eat well, exercise, back and forth. Let me make myself clear, I continuously tried to manage my weight by eating well and exercising and would drop the weight. But, then I would reward myself and eat whatever I wanted until I gained the weight back. Basically I have lost 20 pounds 4 times since I went to college 6 years ago. I can lose weight pretty fast and then gain it back a few months later. Then I get disappointed that I couldn't maintain, and go into "eat healthy mode" again. So I realized and told myself that FA worked for some and if I couldn't control it one last time, I would try this. So here is goes. I was in FA in September for 3 weeks so I had a pretty solid idea of what I was up against. I knew I needed a sponsor, and she would tell me what to eat. I knew it was three meals, and that I would be eating protein, veggies, fruits and grains. I remember some of the food tasted bad and the cravings were crazy. I am not going to base this experience on last because I will fail if I compare it to my failure last year. The goal is to stay "abstinent", I know what you are thinking, no sex, but no it is pertaining to sugar or flour. I am thinking this time is going to be tough. Let the adventures begin.
I realized, as in any addiction, that I cannot control it. I gave myself one more chance before I completed would give up: accept this fate that I was going to eat what I wanted and continue to gain weight or give FA a try. I knew back in September when I attended that meeting that I had not "hit my bottom", but this time I knew I had. I have completely lost control of my ability to eat well, eat what I wanted, stop eating, etc. I believe I am addicted to sugar. I don't necessarily have this huge desire for salt on a daily basis, but when I have enough sugar I crave salts. I love cookie dough, pancakes, chocolate, candy, cinnamon rolls, and pretty much anything sweet. I am ready to get this under control. I am miserable, sad, disappointed, embarrassed and worried. I know my food addiction is affecting the people around me and soon I will lose everything. I have been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting before, and heard people say "I will die from this disease," but I completely agree that "I will die from food addiction." The past 10 years I have worried about my weight. I have never really been huge. I have always been about 10 to 25 pounds overweight, and I am 5'2 so it doesn't look the greatest on me. The next question is probably, why do you think you have a food issue if you are only a few pounds over weight. Well, I have watched what I ate the past 10 years back and forth between, exercise, eat whatever I want, eat badly, eat well, exercise, back and forth. Let me make myself clear, I continuously tried to manage my weight by eating well and exercising and would drop the weight. But, then I would reward myself and eat whatever I wanted until I gained the weight back. Basically I have lost 20 pounds 4 times since I went to college 6 years ago. I can lose weight pretty fast and then gain it back a few months later. Then I get disappointed that I couldn't maintain, and go into "eat healthy mode" again. So I realized and told myself that FA worked for some and if I couldn't control it one last time, I would try this. So here is goes. I was in FA in September for 3 weeks so I had a pretty solid idea of what I was up against. I knew I needed a sponsor, and she would tell me what to eat. I knew it was three meals, and that I would be eating protein, veggies, fruits and grains. I remember some of the food tasted bad and the cravings were crazy. I am not going to base this experience on last because I will fail if I compare it to my failure last year. The goal is to stay "abstinent", I know what you are thinking, no sex, but no it is pertaining to sugar or flour. I am thinking this time is going to be tough. Let the adventures begin.
The last chance
9-25-2010
I attended a Food Addicts Anonymous meeting which I found intriguing but not for me. I was very jealous of these women who could eat a strict diet for years at a time and only have three meals a day. I knew I would not be able to do this but seemed very similar to these ladies. I decided one last time I would be able to control my eating. I decided I would eat a treat when I felt like it and would continue to exercise often so that I could maintain. I wanted to continue to lose but was okay maintaining so I was going to stick to the maintenance phase.
I attended a Food Addicts Anonymous meeting which I found intriguing but not for me. I was very jealous of these women who could eat a strict diet for years at a time and only have three meals a day. I knew I would not be able to do this but seemed very similar to these ladies. I decided one last time I would be able to control my eating. I decided I would eat a treat when I felt like it and would continue to exercise often so that I could maintain. I wanted to continue to lose but was okay maintaining so I was going to stick to the maintenance phase.
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